Social Anxiety

Social Anxiety Therapy | Psychologist in Maastricht | English & Greek

When being around other people starts to feel like being under a microscope

Being around other people can feel surprisingly difficult when you are worried about how you are being perceived.

You may find yourself thinking about what to say, how you look, whether you're talking too much, whether someone noticed that you were nervous, or whether you made a good impression.

A conversation that seems simple to someone else can leave you replaying it for hours afterwards.

You might avoid speaking up in meetings, hesitate to start conversations, turn down invitations, or feel anxious about situations where you don't know what people will think of you.

And sometimes, you may appear confident on the outside while internally monitoring yourself constantly.

Social anxiety is not simply being shy.

It can involve a persistent fear of judgement, embarrassment, rejection, or being negatively evaluated, and this fear can gradually begin to influence the choices you make and the life you live.

Therapy can provide a space to understand what you are afraid might happen in social situations, how you have learned to respond to that fear, and how you can gradually become more comfortable being yourself around other people.

Does this sound familiar?

You might find yourself:

worrying about what other people think of you
feeling intensely self-conscious in social situations
worrying about saying something embarrassing or “stupid”
rehearsing conversations before they happen
avoiding speaking in groups
feeling anxious about meeting new people
worrying about being the centre of attention
avoiding eye contact because it makes you feel exposed
feeling uncomfortable eating, drinking, writing, or performing in front of others
worrying that people can see how nervous you are
becoming very aware of your voice, appearance, facial expressions, or body language
finding it difficult to speak naturally because you're monitoring yourself
avoiding asking questions because you don't want to look incompetent
struggling to make phone calls
worrying about being judged at work or university
turning down invitations even when part of you wants to go
needing alcohol or another strategy to feel more comfortable socially
replaying conversations afterwards and analysing what you said
assuming someone disliked you because of a small interaction
comparing yourself with other people
feeling that everyone else seems more confident or socially capable than you
wishing you could simply “be yourself” without thinking so much about how you're coming across

Sometimes the difficulty isn't that you don't want connection. You may actually want connection very much. You just find the possibility of being judged, rejected, embarrassed, or misunderstood so uncomfortable that getting close to people can feel risky.

Understanding social anxiety

Social anxiety is more than being shy.

Being shy, quiet, introverted, or someone who takes time to warm up to others does not necessarily mean that you have social anxiety. The difference is not simply how much you enjoy socialising. It is more about what happens when you feel that you may be observed, evaluated, or judged. You might actually enjoy being around people but become very anxious when you feel that attention is directed towards you. You may want to contribute to a conversation but become so focused on whether you will say the right thing that it becomes difficult to speak naturally.

Social anxiety can become particularly limiting when fear starts making decisions for you.

You may want to go to the party but decide not to.

You may want to ask the question but remain silent.

You may want to approach someone but convince yourself not to.

You may want to express your opinion but decide it is safer to keep it to yourself.

The issue is therefore not necessarily that you want to be more social.

It may be that you want more freedom to choose how you participate without fear making the decision for you.

What are you afraid other people might think?

At the heart of social anxiety is often a concern about how you are being perceived.

You may worry that people will think you're boring, awkward, unintelligent, incompetent, unattractive, strange, or unlikeable. You might fear that people will notice that you are nervous or that you will do something embarrassing and be remembered negatively because of it.

Sometimes the feared judgement is very specific. At other times, it can be difficult to identify exactly what you are afraid of. You may simply have a strong sense that you need to make sure you come across in the “right” way.

This can make social situations feel less like ordinary interactions and more like performances.

Instead of being absorbed in what another person is saying, part of your attention may be occupied with questions such as:

Am I talking too much?
Do I sound stupid?
Where should I look?
Do they seem interested?
Can they tell I'm nervous?
Was that a weird thing to say?

The more attention goes towards monitoring yourself, the harder it can become to simply be present in the interaction.

When being seen feels vulnerable

For some people, social anxiety is closely connected with a deeper fear of being exposed.

Being seen by another person can feel as though it creates an opportunity for them to discover something about you that you would rather keep hidden.

You may worry that people will notice that you are insecure, inexperienced, nervous, different, or not as capable as you want them to believe.

This can create a difficult internal experience: you want to connect with people, but connection requires allowing yourself to be seen.

Sometimes the fear is not simply “they might judge me.” It is what that judgement would mean if it happened.

If someone thinks you're boring, does that mean you really are?
If someone dislikes you, does that mean something is wrong with you?
If you make a mistake, does that mean you are incompetent?
If someone rejects you, what does that say about your worth?

Exploring these deeper meanings can be an important part of understanding social anxiety, particularly when the fear of judgement is connected with longstanding beliefs about yourself or your relationships with other people.

How social anxiety can affect your life

ocial anxiety can affect far more than social events themselves.

Relationships

You may want closer friendships or romantic relationships but find it difficult to initiate them, express interest, communicate your needs, or handle the possibility of rejection. You may also appear distant or uninterested when you are actually feeling anxious and unsure of how to engage.

Work and studies

Fear of judgement can make presentations, meetings, networking, asking questions, expressing disagreement, or asking for help particularly difficult. You may compensate by over-preparing or remaining quiet, even when you have something valuable to contribute.

Everyday experiences

Simple activities such as making a phone call, speaking to someone you don't know, asking for help in a shop, or attending an unfamiliar place can become disproportionately stressful.

Opportunities

You may turn down experiences because of how you expect you will feel rather than because you don't actually want them. Over time, this can affect your career, relationships, hobbies, travel, and personal development.

Your relationship with yourself

Constantly monitoring and evaluating yourself can become exhausting. You may become increasingly critical of your social abilities and compare yourself with people who seem more confident or naturally comfortable around others.

Eventually, you may not only fear other people's judgement. You may also begin judging yourself for being anxious in the first place.

How we can work with social anxiety in therapy

Our work would begin by understanding your particular experience of social anxiety rather than assuming that every social situation is difficult for the same reason. We might explore which situations trigger the strongest anxiety, what you imagine other people might think, and what you fear would happen if you were judged negatively. We can also look at what you do when anxiety appears. Perhaps you avoid certain situations, rehearse conversations, stay quiet, monitor yourself closely, seek reassurance, or try to hide any sign that you are nervous. Understanding these responses can help us see what keeps the anxiety going and what you may need in order to feel safer.

Depending on your needs, we may draw from Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), and Schema Therapy.

CBT can help us understand the relationship between social situations, predictions about judgement, self-focused attention, avoidance, and safety behaviours. When appropriate, therapy may also involve gradually approaching situations that you have been avoiding, so that you can develop new experiences rather than continuing to rely on fear-based predictions. CBT, including exposure-based approaches, is an established psychological treatment for social anxiety disorder.
ACT can help you develop a different relationship with anxious thoughts and uncomfortable feelings, particularly when trying to eliminate anxiety has itself become exhausting. The focus is not on waiting until you feel completely confident before doing what matters to you.
Schema Therapy can be particularly relevant when social anxiety is connected with deeper patterns around rejection, shame, criticism, defectiveness, approval, or the feeling that you have to perform in a certain way to be accepted.

The aim is not to turn you into the most outgoing person in the room. It is to help you feel that you have more choice in how you participate, connect, express yourself, and allow other people to see you.

Taking the First Step

You may have called yourself shy for years. You may have learned to avoid certain situations without even thinking much about why. You may look confident to other people while spending an enormous amount of energy internally trying to manage how you come across. Or perhaps you are simply tired of thinking so much about what other people think. You don't need to arrive with a clear explanation or a diagnosis. You can begin by describing what happens to you in social situations and what you have noticed yourself doing to cope. Part of therapy can be understanding the patterns that have developed over time and creating space to experiment with different ways of responding. You don't have to become fearless before you can have the relationships, experiences, and opportunities that matter to you.

If you'd like to explore whether working together could be a good fit, you can arrange a short introductory call.

Arrange an introductory call